


Sonder

by mikachuuu



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Idol Park Sunghoon, Journalist Lee Heeseung, Lee Heeseung is broke, M/M, Orphan Park Sunghoon (spoiler), Stalking, idrk what this is, lee heeseung is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29003184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikachuuu/pseuds/mikachuuu
Summary: Heeseung is tasked to find dirt on Korea's prim and proper idol, Sunghoon. He didn't expect that at the end of his task, he'll develop a crush.
Relationships: Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	Sonder

**Author's Note:**

> This is my gift to my baby Kenny bc it's a special day <3

"What? No, please"

Heeseung never felt so desperate even before. This whole fiasco in his boss' office holds his whole career. His whole life is at sake at this point and he's near to kneeling and begging just so he could keep this job.

He is behind his rent payment due. He's supposed to pay for his rent months ago, but thankfully, his landlord is kind enough to give him more time. It's still not enough, and if Heeseung loses this job, then he'll be sleeping nowhere for the next few nights..

"Sir please. I've been working here for years. Why would you suddenly fire me now?" He thought back to all what he's done these past few months. Nothing really happened. He's done nothing bad, nothing that could put dirt on their company name. In fact, he's like in the shadows, no one really pays attention to him.

So why would they fire him now? He was doing fine.

"You see, Heeseung'' his boss started massaging his temples, wrinkles appearing on his forehead. "You're a good kid. You're diligent, and works just fine" exactly what Heeseung is talking about.

"But you lack impact" Heeseung visibly deflates at that.

"You've been working here for years. Yet, none of your works seem to really appeal to the mass. You're near to a hopeless case" he sighed, guilt evident on his face as he gazed at Heeseung's vulnerable expression.

"I could've given you another chance, but we're becoming short of money. We need to reduce our workers, I'm sorry kid" he looks genuinely sorry for Heeseung, and he can't really blame his boss. He just thinks about what's better for the majority.

The publishing house that Heeseung works at isn't exactly big. It's comparatively smaller than other publishing companies out there. Their magazines are also a little far behind the mass demand, so Heeseung understands.

He then nodded his head, although he can't seem to get rid of his depressed expression. "I understand, sir" he stood up to bow to his boss and was about to leave the room, but then, he was called back.

With a sigh, his boss dropped a folder on top of his desk.

"You got me all guilty when you wear that expression kid" he shakes his head, but points at the folder. Heeseung quickly picked it up and scanned the paper inside.

It's a profile. Inside contains some personal information about a boy named Park Sunghoon.

"That's Park Sunghoon, he's a rising idol. He's hot nowadays" Heeseung gazed at the picture attached on the corner of the paper. And what stared back at him is a boy with dark hair and pale skin.

He's absolutely beautiful even in this photograph. Heeseung bets he looks even better in real life.

"But if he's popular, then there must be a lot of articles about him already"

"No, Heeseung. This one's different" he suddenly got serious, it made Heeseung shut his mouth and wait for him to continue.

"He's known for all his good acts. He has no issue, at all. He has clean records, no scandal, no nothing. Park Sunghoon is a mystery"

"And what exactly do I have to do?"

"Find dirt on Park Sunghoon's name. Anything that would stir up the audience"

Just from hearing it, Heeseung felt the need to just drop it. He thinks about how much work he'll put to this just so he can save his job. But writing has always been what Heeseung wants to pursue. It's what he loves to do. It's not ideal for many, but Heeseung finds pure euphoria just by doing it. So it's hard for him to let go, especially when he's been doing it for years already.

By then, Heeseung already made up his mind. It doesn't matter how long it takes, doesn't matter how much he'll risk, he's gonna do it to save his passion. So with a new mission in mind, Heeseung walked out of that office in confident strides, planning on his head on how he'll start this article.

\---

Heeseung did further research about the idol, some trivial things that aren't included in that profile his boss gave him.

He watched his performance videos on various platforms, read interviews in magazines, and even watched little clips of him doing nothing backstage or in the dressing room. It's fascinating to watch him.

Heeseung isn't really interested in things like this. Ironically enough, he's on the entertainment column in their magazine. Yet, he doesn't know many of these celebrities. He knows a few classic ones, those who are old enough to be his father. Then, the majority of his favorite artists are from the west.

So watching Park Sunghoon really interests Heeseung that he didn't notice that he's watched all his videos. It was already past midnight when he realized that he had watched more than what he needed.

And he already recognized this earlier, but Park Sunghoon really is crafted by the gods. He has that voice that just naturally captivates his audience, making them addicted and wanting for more. His movements as he dances are clean and elegant, it's like he owns every stage he steps unto. The gods really did take their time in making Park Sunghoon.

As he read those articles that are written about him, he realized just how really hard the situation he's in.

He thought that his boss exaggerated when he said that Sunghoon has no issues. Turns out, he didn't lie. All the interviews he'd watched and read are all almost too perfect.

But there's one thing that Heeseung noticed. His answers are all vague, like he doesn't want to give any specific answer to every question. It is like a strategy if you're really hiding something. And so, Heeseung finds himself smirking as he plotted his plan inside his head.

Park Sunghoon's secrets will be out in no time, Heeseung swears to the heavens.

\---

A month. It's the only time his boss gave him to complete his work.

He has a month to write an article about the downfall of Park Sunghoon. He plans to observe him in all possible ways he could think. It is to ensure that every little detail goes into Heeseung. He's gonna watch him outside his company building. Wherever he goes, Heeseung is gonna follow him. When he's out with someone (maybe he'll catch him on a dating scandal), or even when he's eating out (maybe a bad eating or table habit).

Heeseung feels like a stalker, he feels really bad about this, but he's desperate. He needs to save himself as he only lives off of ramyeon.

That's how he found himself in that coffee shop. He's sitting there with a mask and cap on, holding a magazine as he pretends to read.

This is actually crazy, Heeseung doesn't even like coffee yet, he's here.

He read in one article that this shop is Park Sunghoon's personal favorite. It says there that he comes here at least once everyday.

So Heeseung waits for what felt like hours, but in reality, it's been only 30 minutes since he sat down.

Surely, Sunghoon will come there for his morning coffee right? So what's taking him long?

Heeseung internally groaned as he waited for another hour. You see, he's not really a very patient person, but he's still doing this for his sake.

He glances outside the shop to see if there's that familiar car parked outside. He even memorized the plate number just to make sure. Heeseung knows how creepy he seems, believe him, he hates it too.

Another hour passed and Heeseung already sank on his seat, bored to death. He's about to stand up and pack his things when a car parked outside, right beside the glass window on his side. He quickly eyed the plate to see if it's the right car, and holy shit, it really is.

He stared wide eyed at the black van, not believing that Sunghoon was really there. That, thank fuck, there's a possibility that he's gonna save his job.

Heeseung tried to act casual, sitting back on the booth and pretended to read, although his eyes were set on the side where the car was parked. Moments later, the door opened and Heeseung suddenly held his breath.

He doesn't even know why he's nervous. It's not like he's meeting Sunghoon personally.

Heeseung visibly deflated when another man went out. He's so disappointed because he expected Park Sunghoon to step out of the car and the one to order his own drink. But then he thought about it, being an idol is not easy when outside. It's probably better for him to stay inside the car, especially when he's so popular and could be mobbed.

So Heeseung sulked on his seat, crossing his arms in disappointment. It's like he wasted his whole morning for nothing.

He watched the man order on the counter, ordering a total of four drinks. Then paid with cash and left with a tip. He followed with his eyes as the man stepped out of the shop, then opening the car door.

Heeseung stared for a moment when he caught a glimpse of Sunghoon's smiling face. His face lit up as he was handed his drink. He looks so innocent as he sipped that coffee. Heeseung didn't avert his gaze, not when the car door closed, not when the van drove away, Heeseung kept his eyes on the direction the van went.

He only then realized that he probably looked like a creep. Really, what is he doing? Why is he acting like he's high or something? Is that Park Sunghoon's effect on him? Did he cast a spell on Heeseung that caused him to be like this?

Heeseung only knew Park Sunghoon's existence for a few days, but he already got him staring at the younger boy like some lovesick fool.

But the sight of Sunghoon's smile, not on pictures, not on screen, really could make someone's day better. Heeseung could be a testimony.

\---

Now that he thought of it, that moment in the shop is pretty stupid. Why would he space out at the sight of just another boy? Is Heeseung really out of his mind? He needs to focus or else, his life is really at stake.

"Lee Heeseung, you gotta stay in line, stay on your line" he slapped his cheeks to knock some sense on him. He needed it after realizing how dumb he acted back then. If there is a person that saw him, they might think he's crazy.

Well, he might be really insane because now, he's standing in front of Park Sunghoon's agency to spy on him. He can't really just enter inside if he wanted to. It takes days or even weeks just to have an appointment, and you need a real, valid reason to go inside. What would he say then if they ask him? That he wants to dig dirt on Park Sunghoon? No way.

So he settled there, on a warm day with the sun at its peak. He's under the shade of a big tree in front of the building, waiting for anything. He has his camera on his hand, just in case he needs to take his photos.

There are so many people that come in and out of the building. Some are staff, others are trainees and idols. Heeseung is amazed by how the industry works. He sometimes wonders about how it would feel to be a singer and perform in front of people. It must be nerve-wracking, he thought. Having people to watch you and your every move is sometimes uncomfortable.

The fame and attention might feel good, but then when it gets too much, it might get dangerous too.

Heeseung nearly jumps out where he's hiding when he suddenly spotted Sunghoon out of the building. You see, Heeseung always noticed how when Sunghoon is outside, there are numerous men that surround him. They all act as if he's more important than of royal blood. But now, Sunghoon is walking in all his glory, alone. He seems to be shining under the sun, with his head bowed down as he types on his phone.

Black is definitely his color, Heeseung thinks as he follows him with his eyes, waiting for the right moment to come out. He can't help but notice the smallest things, like how he wets his lips occasionally with his tongue, or how he sometimes brushes his hair back to get them out of his eyes. Sunghoon is so gorgeous and effortlessly so.

Wait, what?

Heeseung slapped himself again, harder this time. What is he thinking now? Why is his mind filled with these useless things?

Maybe it's because he's been thinking only about Park Sunghoon these days that he can't seem to be out of Heeseung's mind. So then, Heeseung still followed Sunghoon with his eyes, until he saw him enter a convenience store nearby the company building. Heeseung plopped back where he was sitting, sighing because he got nothing once again.

This day is once again, wasted. He doesn't have anything worthy after days of following Sunghoon. All he witnessed are those usual acts that are too ordinary for an idol. He's like not a celebrity, if not only because of the security and the manager that surrounds him everyday, Heeseung would actually think that he's just a normal person with a boring life.

He stared off into the distance, already thinking of where to go when he would move out. At this rate, he's really gonna get unemployed, he's just waiting for it. What would he tell his parents back in his hometown? That their son is a failure? That he can't keep his job because he's not good enough? What would they do to him then?

Heeseung is already thinking the worst, although he knows that his parents are nothing like that. But still, he can't help but to think.

Suddenly, he feels like his skin is crawling, goosebumps all over him. He can feel all the hair on his body rising as he felt tiny, multiple legs, crawling on his leg. He dares to look down, but instantly regrets it when he saw a centipede crawling on his jeans. Despite the thickness of the fabric, its legs still pierce through and can be felt on the skin.

Heeseung screams, loud enough that the next block could probably hear him. He's quick to cover his mouth and shake his leg vigorously to get the insect off his jeans. Heeseung can feel his heartbeat on his throat as the insect can't seem to be shaken off.

But when it did, he quickly ran off away from that area so as to not catch any other insect. He can still feel his heart beat fast as he looks around, thankful that there's not a lot of people around. Some are just passing by, judging him with their eyes.

Well, Heeseung isn't really lucky enough. Because there stands, a few meters away, is Park Sunghoon already walking towards the building while holding and sipping on a carton of milk. He's still on his phone, not looking up, so Heeseung quickly hid behind the bush.

That was close, if Sunghoon saw him and recognized him, he'd be in trouble.

So then, the only thing he could do for that day was to stare at a distance while Sunghoon entered the building. Heeseung deflated when he realized that the idol is not coming out soon even when the sky is already dark and stars are littered in the sky.

\---

He is getting hopeless and near to giving up.

Heeseung sighs as he walks on the pavement, carrying bags of groceries on both of his hands. This is probably gonna be the last of his savings, he's so broke.

It's been a week since he started following Sunghoon around. And along that week, nothing special really happened. He's mostly in the company building, probably practicing or making new music and only goes out to go on music shows and record performances. Just a regular idol.

He still doesn't know why his boss is obsessed with getting more information about him. Yes, he doesn't have a bad record, but maybe it's only because he doesn't want trouble so he goes by the rules.

Well whatever his boss' reason is, Heeseung thinks he should stop because nothing is really coming out and he badly needs income.

Just as he passed by several shops, looking around for something interesting, his eyes caught something that made him stop on his tracks. His eyes widened comically when he realized what he just saw.

It was Park Sunghoon, standing outside a hotel wearing his disguise. But no matter how hard he tries to hide himself, Heeseung studied his features enough to recognize it's Sunghoon.

But what is he doing there? He's just standing there and looking around. Is he waiting for someone?

Heeseung then is quick to drop the bags and fish out his phone from his pocket, capturing pictures of Sunghoon from afar. This will be a good shot, a classic dating scandal of an idol who is known for being all prim and proper.

When a car parked directly in front of Sunghoon, Heeseung smiled in triumph. Turns out he's right. He saw a girl hop out of the car, wearing casual clothing, too casual for a prestigious hotel actually. He saw how the girl smiled so wide, mirroring Sunghoon's when they saw each other.

Heeseung feels that bitterness in his tongue in what he'd do. He did hesitate to capture every single bit of the moment but he still did it for his own sake, not missing a beat. He watched as Sunghoon wrapped his arm around the girl's shoulder and ruffled her hair before entering the building. Although it was in a short period of time, Heeseung is still satisfied with how the photos came out. It might be in low quality, but he knows this will create a big fuss.

The next day, he's standing in front of his boss again. This time, he has a smug smile on his face with his arms crossed in front of him. The other looked through his phone with his eyebrows furrowed, he swipes on the screen fastly as Heeseung took more than an adequate amount.

"So, this is the girl you're talking about?" His boss asked him as he finished looking through the photos.

"Yes! Isn't it quite shocking? Park Sunghoon dates a non-celebrity girl. I mean, she is kinda pretty in those photos but what would the audience think? Where did he get to meet such a girl? You know how-"

"Heeseung"

He quickly shuts his mouth when his name is suddenly called. He doesn't understand why his boss is still stressing out. It's here! The big news is right in front of them. Shouldn't he be happy that he got to finally get something from Sunghoon? (For some reason that Heeseung doesn't know).

"Did you do research?"

"Yes" he did binge watch a lot of Park Sunghoon's videos and listened to his whole discography, it's counted as research right?

"Well seems like you hadn't had a thorough search then. That's his sister"

He can't believe what he's hearing? Sunghoon has a sister?

"He has a sister?"

"Yes, but he doesn't really talk much about her. They're barely even together" Heeseung deflated at that, feeling like he's back at the beginning again. He really did feel that when he took those photos, he might've been getting something. Turns out it's still useless.

"There's this conference coming" his gaze landed on his boss when he suddenly spoke, pulling out a piece of paper from one of his notebooks.

"It's about Park Sunghoon's latest album release. Go there, maybe you'll find something" he handed him the paper. "Here's the permission slip we got. Don't fail me this time, Lee''

Heeseung gulped. He knows that this will be his moment of truth, his last straw, the last chance that they will give him. And he won't let it slip away. Not this time, not anytime.

So when the day came and Heeseung's standing in front of his mirror, he's already calming himself.

He's so nervous. You see, Heeseung isn't really fond of working in a place where there's a lot of people, that's why he settled on a small company. This conference is gonna determine his future, he hopes he gets something good from it.

As to not stand out, Heeseung wore simple casual clothes. He pulled out his sweater that cost him a few hundreds of thousands of cash (he wanna look and feel comfortable but at the same time expensive), wearing a white shirt underneath. That way, he won't get any unwanted attention to himself.

He checked his reflection on the mirror once again, making sure that he's properly groomed for the first conference that he'll attend. Well, not like he's planning to talk directly to Sunghoon. He will just sit there and observe, analyze the atmosphere and listen to the other journalists.

"This is so stupid" he uttered, bumping his head on the mirror. "How am I going to get something if I'm not planning to at least ask him one question?"

He really thinks he's stupid. Why is he even nervous to talk to Sunghoon? What's with the other boy that Heeseung finds so intimidating? He looked at the notebook he prepared on top of his dresser. It contained all the questions he thought of the night before, jotting them down all together but he planned to back down the last minute. He's such a coward.

Maybe he's too shy. Pfft. Shy? To Park Sunghoon? No way.

He's not. Right?

Sucking it all up, Heeseung finally gathered all his courage and walked out of his room with a last look to the mirror. He grabbed all the essentials, his laptop, his wallet, his keys, pens, and the notebook. He wishes that he doesn't fuck up this time.

\---

When he arrived at the venue, he already wanted to get back to his apartment. Out of all the people that's waiting inside, he's the only one wearing casual. All of them are wearing formal clothes, all dark gray and black with some touches of white. He's standing there, at the entrance, wearing his vivid orange sweater. What happened to not standing out?

Many people eyed him (who wouldn't?) And Heeseung just wants this to finish immediately. He made his way towards the back, where no one would stare at him. He excused himself and smiled awkwardly at the others whom he passed, while he cringes inside. So much for this day being his worst.

Once he's seated, he arranged his things, acting like he's ready where in his mind, he's totally screaming. He heaved a sigh, calming his nerves down from the embarrassment he just put himself into.

A few more minutes and Heeseung is shaking his legs. He looks around the venue where the stage is in front of them, a chair and a table on top of it, obviously for Sunghoon. Then the journalists are opposite the stage, so Heeseung really get to see Sunghoon properly.

Really, who is he kidding? His heart hasn't slowed down at all. And when the moment finally came when the MC announced Park Sunghoon's arrival, Heeseung thought he felt his heart burst.

Applause filled the room as Sunghoon stepped up on the stage, stopping a little to wave and take photos. Blinding flashes then appeared, photographers taking shots after shots, getting Sunghoon's best angles.

Heedeung did nothing but stare in awe, his lips parted as he stared at Sunghoon professionally posed for the cameras despite the lights literally blinding him. Then he watched Sunghoon walk further to grab the mic on the table.

"Hello everyone, I'm Park Sunghoon. Thank you for coming today, let's work hard"

The thing is, Heeseung already heard him speak through the interviews he did in the past, the variety shows that he's been invited, and even encore stages when he wins the music shows. But hearing him speak in real life, Heeseung is left speechless with how good his voice is.

The whole conference went on with him just staring at Sunghoon. He's just sitting there, but he's really captivating, like a lure in a trap, and Heeseung is falling for it. He watched how Sunghoon answered all the questions thrown at him with such professionalism. He listens to the journalists really carefully and answers them in all honesty. There really is no flaw in Park Sunghoon.

Heeseung now realized what kind of a person he really is. He's always neat by the way his hair is styled parted on his forehead and judging by the way his table is organized from the paper he's writing on, the pen on the side, and even the mic and water bottle remained on their places, like they weren't moved at all. Sunghoon is always calm by the way he's speaking. He has received questions that are rude and inappropriate, but still answered them like he's not fazed at all. To Heeseung, that's really admirable. 

And although he doesn't show any sign of emotion the whole time, it only made his smile even brighter when he does. It all hits differently now.

That's when Heeseung knew he's fucked. The conference ended, but he left with an empty file, unanswered questions, and a realization that maybe, he likes Park Sunghoon more than he intended to.

Heeseung didn't come home that night, already feeling bad as he exited the place. When he hopped inside his car, he just knew that he needed to vent all this out, all the frustrations, disappointments, and the sudden realization. So he drove to that club he used to come when he was younger and carefree.

It was a packed club. Heeseung jates crowded places but he couldn't care less, not when he's gonna lose his job tomorrow or the next day. He sat on one of the bar stools, planning to drown himself on alcohol to distract himself from all his problems. He just gotta forget them this time and then think about them when he sobered up.

It's only been half an hour, but he already downed more than 5 shots and he feels dizzy. He really came to that place knowing how low his alcohol tolerance is. It didn't stop him. Heeseung kept going on, feeling like his surroundings were moving. He already feels like shit, why not make it to the fullest?

He feels like crying. He's such a disappointment to himself. He's in debt, his apartment's due since months ago, can't pay his bills, and now he's losing his job, nothing can really be right for him. Maybe fate hates him. Heeseung played with the shot glasses he lined in front of him, his lips pouted as he glared at the glasses.

"Can I get a glass of water?" He's startled by the sound of that all too familiar voice. Heeseung turned to his side, only to see that face that's been carved in his mind.

He nearly fell off the stool when Park Sunghoon looked back at him.

When the bartender gave him the water, Sunghoon handed it to Heeseung, who was hesitant to receive it. Is he tripping? Is this really Sunghoon in front of him? He's so confused.

"Why are you giving me this?" He asked absentmindedly, looking around to see if anyone noticed the idol being there.

"To lessen your headache when you wake up tomorrow?" Heeseung almost melted on the spot, why is he so thoughtful? He doesn't even know Heeseung. He still ended up drinking the water, averting his gaze from the younger.

"Quite under dressed to be in a place like this, don't you think?" Heeseung looked down on his bright orange sweater when the other pointed it out. He internally cringes once again.

"Hey, don't judge" he glared at the other, Sunghoon just gave him a smirk before leaning on the counter. 

"You're quite fascinating, Lee Heeseung" Heeseung choked on the water. This isn't real. How is Sunghoon sitting in front of him in all his glory, in a cheap club, wearing no disguise at all, and saying his name?

"You know my name?" Sunghoon just smiled, eyes still on Heeseung and never fazed.

"Of course, I've been wondering when will you finally talk to me after stalking me everywhere" okay, that's embarrassing and creepy at the same time when Sunghoon says it like that.

"How'd you know?" His voice gets smaller and he wants to bury himself underground right this moment.

"Your name? I asked our staff for a little research" he smirked. "Kinda hard to miss you trying to hide yourself and failing miserably. Especially in that orange sweater. I like it, by the way"

Oh no. Heeseung is getting charmed. He crouched to himself after Sunghoon finished his sentence. Heeseung then found himself speechless and just took a sip on that water.

"What are you doing here?" This might be an opportunity for him to get something.

"You've been asking questions. It's my turn now" Heeseung quickly shuts up when Sunghoon deliberately cuts him off. He's intimidating, now that Heeseung is in his right mind and that he could see the younger clearly.

"What are you doing here?" Sunghoon repeated Heeseung's question. He's about to argue back how he asked it first, but at what cost? He just gave up and slumped himself on the counter.

"Well, I'm having a great day," he said unenthusiastically. He hopes that Sunghoon catches up. "I'm waaaay behind my rent, has unpaid bills, and now I'm losing my job. How great is that?" He sounds even more pathetic.

"You know, I just want to survive. I even begged my boss to give me another chance just to prove myself worthy for the job. And then he gave me a task to find dirt on your name, something that will cause a fuss. But you're just too perfect! Why can't you have a single flaw? I followed you everywhere you go, wasted my time just so I could observe you and find something that will ruin your 'perfect boy' image, but guess what?"

He turned to Sunghoon who just stared at him. "I found NOTHING. And when I thought that conference would be the last chance to get something, I spaced out! Because I get so distracted when I see your face that close. I might even think I have a crush on you-"

The chuckle that came out of Heeseung when he said that, dies down when he realizes what he just said. He quickly gazed at the other who just kept staring at him. But this time, with a small smile on his lips that he keeps on hiding.

"That's cute" Heeseung nearly combusts.

"You think that's cute? Me having my life crumble down in front of my face is cute to you-?" 

"What I meant is you having a crush on me, it's cute" Sunghoon sighs, scooting his seat closer to Heeseung. "I'm sorry that this is all happening to you, and I'm sorry if my remark came out as rude" he then fiddled with his fingers. "I know it may suck, feeling helpless and pathetic when everything goes down and drags you with it, but I think that's just how living is. We need to keep on thriving, so that we can survive"

He turned to face Heeseung, who had gone quiet, but still clearly upset. "It's a part of life. We go up, and then we go down. But we must work ourselves to go up once again, it's just a cycle, as sad as it may sound. We're still young, we should enjoy life while it lasts you know?"

It's so unfitting. They're in a noisy club with lots of people getting drunk and dancing mindlessly in the middle of the dancefloor. And yet they're talking about life, how it fucks you up but builds you up again.

"You say that because you are capable of doing it. I'm not really living the life that you're living you know?" Heeseung picks up the class that the bartender puts down in front of him, but a hand caught his wrist, stopping him from downing it.

"It may seem like that to you, but I had it rough once too. I'm still holding it until now" he shoves the glass away from Heeseung just so he could stop drinking.

For a moment, Heeseung kept in silence, waiting for the other to elaborate more. But minutes passed and he didn't speak, Heeseung just sighed before bumping his head completely on the counter. It made him dizzy, but if not for the water, it could've made him feel worse.

"I had to do everything, too, just to survive" at that, Heeseung turned his head to the side to look at Sunghoon. He probably has that ugly red mark on his forehead but he couldn't care less.

"We're somehow the same too, you know?" Sunghoon glanced at him for a second before putting his attention back on that glass of alcohol he's playing at. "I'm an orphan" Heeseung's eyes went wide.

"Me and my sister grew up in an orphanage, no one wanted us so we were there until we became adults' ' It seems like Sunghoon's reminiscing the past with the pauses he takes between sentences. Heeseung kept quiet as he listened.

"Growing up without parents, I had to find ways how to provide for the both of us. I worked several jobs that paid enough to buy our essentials. Until I was casted by the agency" Sunghoon's laughter filled Heeseung's ears despite the loudness of the speakers. He finds it beautiful.

"I didn't even know I could sing or dance, it just happened and then suddenly I'm blowing up" he starts shaking his head while laughing, seems like he finds it funnier than Heeseung thought. "And now, I have to keep everything clean. I need to act proper if I want this to last, because if I'm not careful enough, I'll literally lose everything"

By that time, he started looking at Heeseung again, who still has his head on the counter and keen on listening. "I'm not saying that I had it worse, I'm not invalidating you or your hardships. I was just telling you that everyone goes through shit, you just have to get up"

Heeseung doesn't know how to respond to that. He doesn't know what to feel. But the heaviness in his chest is unmistakable. He feels bad for the younger, but at the same time he's looking up to him. It just adds to his reasons to like him wrong, he started to get worried for himself.

"I'm sorry" That's all he said, averting his gaze.

"You don't have to be, it's all in the past now" the chuckle that came out of Sunghoon's lips did things to Heeseung's heart.

But then Heeseung realizes something, causing him to furrow his brows and look at the younger again, who's waiting for him to say something.

"Why are you telling me this so carelessly? Aren't you worried that I might broadcast this to the public?" Sunghoon just shrugged his shoulders.

"Still depends on you if you'll do it or not. I believe you won't" How can he say that? He knows Heeseung is desperate for something to put out in the public. How is he so confident that he won't do it?

"It's getting late," Sunghoon said as he glanced at his wristwatch, setting his eyes on Heeseung who still hadn't got up on the counter.

"You should go home" Heeseung's heart pounded at that and he hates it. Why is it suddenly acting like this towards Sunghoon's words?

Heeseung just sighed before closing his eyes. "I can't," he muttered.

There's a few moments of silence before he can feel Sunghoon's breath on his face. "Are you dizzy?" He asked, making Heeseung's heart go wild.

What is he doing? Why is he so close? Does he know what he does to Heeseung's poor heart?

The elder didn't answer. Instead, he just nodded his head, which he later regretted because his headache just got worse.

"Give me your address, I'll call a cab for you" Heeseung didn't say anything anymore. He just gave his phone to the other and he'll be the one to search for Heeseung's address. He knows it's not a very good move, but his headache is getting worse.

The next thing he knew, Sunghoon is helping him stand up, putting Heeseung's arm around his shoulder, and wrapping his own around the elder's waist. Heeseung had no time to gush any more over the idol as they started walking out towards the parked car in front of the club.

"I won't be able to come with you, in case someone recognizes me" Sunghoon said when he finally got Heeseung inside the car. "Take care, okay?" He taps Heeseung's shoulder lightly as he slams the door shut. The car started to drive away.

And that night, Heeseung cried hard on his bed, not minding his head-splitting headache that'll be at its worst the next day.

\---

It wasn't until a few days later that Heeseung fully realized what just happened to him. He just talked to Park Sunghoon inside a club, on top of it all, he's drunk and embarrassing the whole time.

The morning after that, Heeseung regretted all his decisions so badly. He stayed in bed until late in the afternoon and only got up to drink medicine.

What surprised him more is that the idol actually left his number on Heeseung's phone. It's such a bold move to entrust your number to a stranger who you practically met that day. Not that Heeseung's planning on spreading the phone number.

Now, he's sitting in front of his laptop, staring at the blank document he still needs to work on. His phone is on the side, and it's tempting to pick it up and contact the younger idol, but he has to control himself.

Even if Heeseung's drunk that night, he still remembers everything clearly, every single word that the younger said to him. It made him think for days, the words he gave to Heeseung stuck in his mind and looks like it'll be for a few more days.

Looking back at the empty document again, Heeseung contemplated. His fingers are already hovering above the keyboard to press on the keys, but there's something that's stopping him.

Heeseung thought once again. Will this be alright? Will this do him good? Will he regret it at the end? All these kinds of questions never left his mind, making him more hesitant. But in his heart, he knows what he wants, and that he already decided.

He started typing.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry I contacted you just now, but are you available? I'd like to meet you" Heeseung finally got the courage to call after days of contemplating. He's staring at the words on his screen once again, knowing that this is really it.

Heeseung's nerves already reached their peak. He's never felt his heart pound like this before.

"Oh no, you don't have to. I'll just go there" he's already grabbing his keys even before he finished talking. And when the call dropped, Heeseung took a deep breath, preparing himself about what's to come.

"I'm quitting" He passed the resignation letter that he's been working on since earlier today. His boss stared at the folded paper first, before looking up to him with an unreadable expression.

"I thought you wanted to keep the job? You're persisting to do it" it's the question that Heeseung has been expecting since he thought of resigning. But he knows very well the answer to it.

"I've always wanted to write for the people. This place gave me an opportunity to experience what it feels like to finally reach your dream. But it feels like this is not for me, at least not now" he heaved a deep breath. "I wanna explore myself to know more about myself, and that I can keep on thriving without the doubts I have. I want to start over and I want feel stronger when I finally do"

For a moment, the man just crossed his arms, studying Heeseung with the ways his eyes scrutinized him. But then, he started nodding at him, making Heeseung smile a little.

"Alright, I believe in you, kid. Please make sure that when we meet again, you're successful and not broke anymore okay?" Chuckles filled the room, making the atmosphere light and airy, comfortable even.

"But what pushed you to finally do it?" 

Heeseung smiled mysteriously. "Someone just made me realize something"

Heeseung won't ever forget what this place had taught him. But Sunghoon has the biggest influence on this, so he'll have to thank him.

Standing up on the chair he's seated on and bowing to his boss, Heeseung got out of that room with a light heart and a wide grin on his face. He gripped his phone tight, finally deciding that it's the time to contact Sunghoon.

After a few rings, the younger finally picks up the phone, and Heeseung can feel his heartbeat on his throat. It didn't stop his enthusiasm.

"Took you long enough" that voice, it made Heeseung feel all kinds of ticklish and light inside.

"I'm sorry. I'm such a coward to dial your number, your highness" Heeseung teasingly said with a roll of his eyes. Chuckles then rang on his ear. Now he's feeling warm too.

"Well, to what do I owe this phone call?" It made Heeseung laugh at how the younger sounds ridiculous as he says it.

"I took your advice to my heart" this he would proudly say, blush creeping up to his neck, to his cheeks.

"And?" Sunghoon pushed.

"And I resigned with the plan of starting over again" Heeseung started with a sigh, a smile planted on his face. "I just realized now what you said. I am at rock bottom, at the brink of losing everything, so I need to thrive harder to go up once again" 

Sunghoon only hummed to answer, encouraging him to say more.

"But then I thought, if I wanted to go harder, I need to start over, especially with the condition I am in. If I thought I'll be nothing more than where I am now, then maybe it's within myself where something is wrong. I need to be ready for a harder fight, something that will push me up and pull me down" he sighed.

"I love writing, I honestly think that this is something that is for me. But I think it's not my time now. There's something for me, waiting at the end of the line, but I can't get to it now, I'll have to go through several challenges to reach it. That's what I'm gonna do, challenge myself for more"

"Hmm, I sure hope that you do well, I believe in you" there was a pause, then a heavy breath. "Do you wanna celebrate that sudden realization?" Sunghoon asked, making Heeseung prevent himself from smiling just hearing it.

"Just say you wanna hang out with me" Heeseung teasingly said, but not expecting Sunghoon to answer.

"I do" the smile on Heeseung's face disappeared. Then he felt his face getting hotter.

"You wanna go to that café?" Sunghoon asked again when he felt like Heeseung wasn't gonna answer.

"Uh, yeah sure" Heeseung's about to hang up if not for Sunghoon suddenly yelling.

"What is it?"

"I'm happy that you're finding yourself" then Sunghoon drops the call.

It made Heeseung feel all kinds of soft. Made him bite his lips just to stop himself from probably screaming his lungs out.

It's simple, the younger's words resonating on his head. But it is the start of something, just as what Heeseung wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the yt video "Sonder:The realization that everyone has a story". You can check it out and have no regrets :*


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